offspring was on the radio, and andrew mentioned how he heard that one of the guys in that band has a degree in microbiology, and that he was going to go to grad school, but...became a millionaire instead.

that's crazy. but probably untrue.

last night i dreamt that i beat a guy to death with a baseball bat in a shopping mall parking lot. i ran and hid in eatons, while my mom was running with me and giving me advice on how to evade the cops.

such a bad dream. so real! and it was all just a misunderstanding.

but it's obvious what it means: i shouldn't go to christina's.

i keep typing "xtina" instead of christina. i dont' know why.

andrew has some medical condition where if he gets a tiny scratch on his arm, it puffs up really huge. it's not serious nor unhealthy, but it's creepy. after mama explained what it was, he's said "cool! it's like a superpower!"

later, he showed me his arms. on one, he scratched "QUAAAHHH" and on the other he scratched "mai mai smells". it was disgusting. it's so weird though, cause it doesn't even have to be a real scratch. if he just itches his arm it'll puff up like a banshee.

anyways, he just asked if i knew someone "...mercer". i says "jordan mercer?" he says "is he a loser?" i says "why?" he says "he's going out with steve dahl's sister (the singer of FCM) and he was listening to our cd" i says "how'd he get your cd?!" he says "i dunno. is he a loser?" i says "he's not a loser but he's kind of weird" he says "yeah, steve's sister is kind of weird too." yaay weirdos who date.

in grade nine geography, jordan would go through extreme mood swings.
j: "you hate me don't you, steph?"
me: "noo..."
j: "well i hate you too."
me: "okay."
j: "nah i'm just kiddin'. i luv ya."
me: "yep."
j: "that's it. GO DIE"

at least he's not dating julie's sister anymore. that was supremely messed up...and funny.

i just realized i ate a whole box of crackers. damn you cheese. too cheesy.

i'm having flashbacks to funny things that went on during the year.

like the time in calculus when there was a problem on the board that none of us could get, and mike couldn't get it either. we had all forgotten about it, and were all talking, since mike was absorbed in the problem, and wasn't paying attention to us. out of the blue, mike goes "ohhh yeah...that's it...here we go.." in the dirtiest voice! and of course his tongue was sticking out and everything. it was so nasty, but hilarious. only mike the engineer would get off on a math problem.

the other day, when i was walking around yorkdale mall with andrew and chris, while waiting for my mom, someone ran up and punched me in the back of my shoulder. i did an "Aaagh...", spun around, and i saw a bright yellow coat. i looked up (still saying "aaaghh") and saw it was mike ("aaaagaaaAAAAAghh!!"). chris and andrew were just looking at him, and didn't react at all at someone running up and hitting their sister. later, andrew said you could really tell he was an engineer. haha stupid mike. it's true.

gabe wrote me an email in response to my acceptance to biotech and spelt my name wrong every time he used it. about 5 times.

did i tell you about the time we were sitting in calc (of course) and talking about going to my xmas pot luck. then kelvin said he couldn't go, cause he had fellowship to go to (his church's youth group). kristine goes, "fellowship!? what is that...some kind of cult?" jokingly. no one says anything. i whisper.."that's his church thing!!" aagh i felt so horrible for her. she wouldn't let it go, she felt really bad too. she made him a little card and everything, and apologized so many times it made it more awkward.

does awkward really have 2 w's? geez. greedy. it doesn't look right.

i wish i could go to the new year's thing now. but it's impossible.

one more week.

my hair has gotten so long, it could eat you all.
if i've learned anything important this semester, it was how to put my hair up using only a pencil.

useful indeed.

i'm going to take a crack at my homework for the first time this holiday.

haha "Take a crack".
aww...

new years parties are always a big iffy issue, because the 31st is my mom's bday. so i never get to go out.

i don't remember how i managed it last year. but no christina's party for me this year.

happy birthday mama!

my mum and i went to toronto today. she signed a contract. now she's the proud owner of penthouse #5 of soon to be phase 2 of a waterfront condo.

i don't know if she should have done it. it seems so impulsive. she's like, "well all i need to do now is work really really hard....for 4 or 5 years....and maybe borrow money from the bank...take a loan...you guys can get jobs...it'll be alright!"

but seriously! she didn't need to get such an expensive place. she won't even be able to enjoy it for 4-5 years, since she's working her ass off! and she's already working outrageously hard now, if she's saying she'll have to work "really really hard" what is she thinking!?

she's like "well...if you guys ever need a place to live, now you guys can come live with me!"

well GAAH it's an apartment! what the hell kind of apartment that can hold 5 people comfortably is suitable for one little lady?!

i tell her this all the time. no use.

it IS a really nice place though.

we'll see...

julia needs a talkin' to.

i went to go shopping today, again. i didn't get anything. i got so annoyed at everyone in the mall. they were talking so loud, and about the stupidest things, they'd complain and act like jackasses, harass the sales people, have annoying voices. there were line ups to get into the stores.

i need to do my homework.

i dunno what i'm doing. i went to bed at 6am last night.

you know what's sad? i'm still sore from swimming!

i agree with what emma's talking about. "wow, i didn't think you were like that"?! meh. loser.

actually, i was the messenger for kris sullivan. we're buds. he likes emma. hah

went shopping today. i got coldplay cd and a knee length skirt. the skirt is stretchy and it's a little loose. you can pull it off without undoing it. which is a little worrysome...but i'll worry about it when i'm running around with my skirt around my ankles.

Seven is on tv. it's freaky. but not as scary as i thought it'd be.

did you know maria from the sound of music is still alive?! the real maria!!
oh don't even try to hold in your excitement.

i just played risk with my brothers. black death wins again.

there's still a stamp mark on my hand from the day we were organizing charts. i don't remember where it came from...but it makes it look like i have an expiry date. 2002.
what if i died this year? and this was a warning? my expiry date!

...iee..that's enough of that talk.

kate hudson is doing a movie with matthew maaljdflajdlfjavnz.xm and in it, she wears a yellow ribbon dress that i saw in eaton's centre. i saw it in a preview.
my life has such wonderful purpose. tee hee

josie going to china?!
sounds like a movie.

aagh goddamn. i feel like arguing. i just tried to with julia but she started talking about my newly planted mini-sunflower garden. who can resist that?!

Catch Me If You Can made me sad. the scene where they told him to choose which parent to live with. i think other kids of broken marriages would understand. "broken marriage" sounds so final, and so depressing.

sigh. people can be such fuckheads. i'm talking about everything now.

i suddenly don't want to come back. i feel so ungrateful. i have chem with robyn next semester. she's another person who always thinks i hate her. i still can't get over how she used to hate me. yeesh. people overuse the word hate too much.

so anyways. devon reads this. hey devon. how's it goin?

very good...

it's past 3am again.

mark and chris are still awake though. i got some university mail. it's all junk though. just stuff about how they got my application. u of T send a big bundle of stuff i didn't need. mcmaster sent a postcard. not just a number, eh? i'm not worried about getting into a university anymore. everyone will get in. especially if you were like me, and applied to a bunch of safety schools.

i'm listening to some song that some guy sang and played at some talent show at some new york trip i went on last summer. he was pretty good...
he looked like a punk from my grade school, but he was actually deeper than i thought he'd be.

i feel like talking to a real person. but there's such little selection...

how am i going to get to christina's place for new years? and back?
should i go? i dunno if there's a point in hanging out with people who you don't want to hang out with. parties are never fun unless there's a guy there you like. then you can slut it up a notch. just kidding.

i need a haircut, badly.
what other global crises are there?
ah yes. i needs shoes. and to buy chris his xmas sweater.
now i'm just typing everything that comes into my head.
i think i'll get a book.

i have so many unread books.

a few years ago, my mom got me "7 habits of highly effective teens" which, i found out, vanessa also has. hah. proves it works :p
anyways, i read a bit of it today. that author is annoying. he's so fucking optimistic and gung-ho. and so many stories of happy people using some imaginary thought process that has a stupid name. uh oh..i just took a withdrawl from my willpower internal self-love piggy bank... now i have to make a deposit by hugging my brother.

exaggeration but you get the idea.

let my love open the door
i know what i need! i need to watch grosse pointe blank again. oh jc. you solve all my problems.

melissa wrote this in one of her notes to me:
"hey! john cusack has the same initials as jesus christ! coincidence? i think not!" she speaks truth.

aw. i miss her. i hate how we're so different from who we used to be, so when we hang out, we both try to act like how we were, so that things won't seem weird. but they still do, deep down. and when the hell do we ever hang out? it was so funny back when pat would complain to me about shannon, and i'd complain to him about melissa. because we were complaining about the same things, but he and shannon were dating.
krystian brought up how i said i wasn't gay in a violent way. i brought up how laura finds him annoying. then i spent the next hour convincing him she doesn't really find him annoying. it's just sometimes she gets...annoyed....with .. him.

"Sugar" - Tonic

i want to know why shannon didn't want to tell me herself that she couldn't come to movies. i dunno why that night was so traumatic for me, but i get angry thinking about it. i feel used. i don't get why laurie's dad would be mad for having plans changed to not going to movies at all. he'd have some free time, and who wouldn't want that?

this post is probably going to get me in trouble. ahh tough beans.

i think i'm going to try to stop reading my friends' blogs. shannon understands why.

i saw the retro version of superfriends the other day. that's the cartoon that has all the superheros ever combined in one. so you have superman saving batman and robin, who are saving apache chief, who was hanging out with wonder woman. it's messed up. but funny. and i didn't make it up. it really is called the "superfriends". they have a modern version. in the one i saw, all of them were fighting a supersmart ape who could control minds.

ape: "idiot! you are a fool!"
flash: "oh yeah?? well you're...naked!"

miss chris needs the computer. he has friends who are getting married. that's weird. jason said he's gonna get married in 2 years (after university). what a freak.

what's with everyone obsessing over "owning" words, songs, and actions?

i'm in such a pissy mood.

yesterday was a shitty day.

we shouldn't have gone to the movies. i didn't want to go in the end, but i went cause i didn't laurie's dad to get mad at her. whatever though.

i got home 40 minutes before it was time to wake up to go to swimming.

i didn't go, of course.
stupid truck accident. we were waiting for up to 4 hours. 4 HOURS. i thought my mom was going to shoot me.

i'm going shopping tomorrow. eye needs shoes for school. mike said it would take about a month for swimming to feel normal again. but he said that doesn't include getting up to speed. urg.

a month. my ass kinda hurts. for some reason, it feels good to sit on it though. hmm?

i started growing my mini-sunflower garden. i wonder how it'll turn out.
mack has mono. he hee.

i decided i'm not going to go to the new years party richard's putting on in toronto. i'd probably have fun, but it's too much hassle to go up there, and to stay with my aunt, while her intermediate family is home for xmas.

did i tell you? i found my michael jackson cd. i still don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing. don't laugh at me. i'm balding.

i want to play tennis. mark keeps getting me tennis stuff. i never use it. i hate using the skirt. it rides up, and when you wear the shorts to hold the balls under it (yea yeah...laugh all you want. i know how it sounds), the skirt bulges out in the most unnatural way.

yep.

because of what happened last year with tennis, i'm not going to go to queen's this spring. queen's is always the same time as the tennis season. and since no one cares about tennis, tennis season is only a week long. for some reason, i felt betrayed when vic took the single girl's spot. it makes no sense though.

jesus. my mom wants us to go to the office again, to organize charts. so fucking boring. AAAGGGH.

it's time i got back / time i got back / and i don't even know how i got off the track

andrew is hell-bent on finding the addy to this blog. i'm sure he will, eventually.
if he does...
quit reading this pooheat!

vic sounds like she's one of those balding-fat-ass-over-the-hill frat boys. it's funny. is that offensive?
last time i talked to her, i was kind of surprised at her swearing and her deliberate misspelling of almost every word.

on xmas, i went to toronto to see my grandparents and some of my cousins. they were all from my dad's side. those cousins are so fucking annoying though. i don't know how they got to be so horrible, since their parents are cool. we had the mandatory distant relative visiting from china too, and everytime we have a distant relative visiting, they always comment on how my cousins on my dad's side are hard to handle, while we're calmer (prolly cause we're so tired of them). they never say anything about them being half caucasian, half chinese, but you can tell they're thinking it.

we got back from toronto around midnight. but i went to 5:45am practice the next day anyways (oo look at me. i'm so hardcore. blech.). too bad there was no practice! aarg. the pool people hadn't put any chemicals the day before, even thought they told us they would. only 3 people showed up anyways. so we went out to breakfast together. it was alright. kevin said that today we were going to have an hour practice, then an hour of "alumni waterpolo". alumni?! the only "alumni" who are going to be there is adam and i! and i don't really count, since i'm coming back in a month.

i watched Back to the future parts 1,2,and 3 back to back yesterday, because i'm so funky. mark accused me of buying him the trilogy just so i could watch it. i said it was because andrew did that to me last year, with buying the computergame with a picture of a guy with a megaton gun on the cover for me last year. so i said now it's mark's turn to do it to chris. then, everything will be right in the world. (shut up.)

i just ate a turkey leg for breakfast, while watching a wedding story. yep. coolness. it's me.

oh yes. i asked my mom about the scrubs thing, where they said that during labor you fart, poop, pee and vagina has 80% chance of splitting. she said that yeah, it prolly happens (ah oh god..kay i'll tell you this later) but if it does happen, they're (nurses and doctors) not going to tell you. it'd be pretty embarassing, for no reason. plus, in my mom's case, she'd have to work with them later. ew. can you imagine having to work with someone who'se seen you poo, fart, pee, and whose also seen a screaming goo-covered being pop out of your ass?!

*sigh* the miracles of life!

hahaha i'm so charming.

oh yes, and this is what i wanted to say. i just remembered how crista told me (after her sister had a baby) that her sister had to wear an ice diaper (exactly as it sounds) because she had torn her special area. and i'm not talking about her elbow. i think she said she needed stiches too. aaaaaggh!

these are the things i think of when it's 3:10am.

p.s. andy stochansky

at xmas mass, i saw: kassandra and sisters, julia and what could have been a sister's hand, the weir family, storms' plus jesus. who turned out to be kiel storms. to be fair, he was wearing his altar boy outfit, had grown out his hair (and what looked like could be the beginnings of a beard) and was holding up the cross.

xmas gifts were funny, and not just mine. the best part was when chris opened the book he got from mark. it's called "The ultimate book of farts" and when you open it, it farts in 4 different ways. just sounds, thank god.
andrew got a book called "the superhero's handbook" and it tells you stuff like how to fight a shark, how to dodge a bullet, and how to turn extreme hatred and tension into passionate sex. it's basically copying everything that happens in the movies. but it's hilarious. and could be useful. hahaa.
all the gifts were pretty good, but those were the most memorable ones.

damn. i really love that andy stochansky song. i think i'm going to mention it in every single one of my posts. just so that when you finally listen to it, and like it, i can lord it over you that i "liked it first" and that if it wasn't for me, your life would be horrible horrible HORRIBLE! now go give me money.

that was frightening. especially because it wasn't sarcastic.

"no, YOU'RE gonna die!!" - a makeover story

hey, how's it goin'.

i got really irritable yesterday. i think it's just having to live with other people again. sucks though, cause now my cousins and aunt are back in canada, so when i go back to toronto, i won't have "my own" house anymore.

i feel like talking about krystian, last friday, and biotech, but i have nothing to say. you know when something happens in your day, and you try to recount it to someone else, but it's just boring, and you yourself don't even know what you are trying to say. it's one of those conversations where it ends in "is that it?" or "mm. riiight.."

boobius maximus.

andy stochansky. wonderful (it's superman).

i'm so bored. and i'm still in my pyjamas. i don't really have pyjamas, actually. which means i'm naked. just kidding. i'm wearing the orange "quinte ethnic festival community vikings" shirt i got from dragon boat racing. haha we're all "ethnic" people, but we're actually vikings. it's supposed to have a dragon head or something on the front of the boat, but it looks like a fist with the middle finger outstretched.

my mom drove all the way back to toronto to use the ymca there. she's insane. and she did this all before we woke up. which, considering how late we wake up, isn't as impressive. we found our original nintendo (pre-SNES) and our ten million cartridges, yesterday. it's been fun. i wish i could find our power pad, or the power gun, or our nintendo power magazines. power power.

this song is the cross that i bear. bear with me.

sounds religious.

i played sims today, for the first time in a long while. i made them naked, by laurie's recipie. that was the highlight of my day.

i took that "azn" quiz on emma's blog, and turns out i'm 100% asian. what gave it away?
i was surprised, in any case.

i just got home, and now we're going back to toronto on monday. urg. i was shocked by how disgusted i was by north york by the time i left. nothing against it, it's just too city to be relaxing, and too country to be convenient.

my mom's all into yoga now.
i heard that if everyone in the US traded in their SUVs for regular cars (any ol' regular car), US would be well under the requirements for the Kyoto protocol. not sure if it's true. but if it is...fucking dumbasses.

i'm not even sure who i was directing that towards. suvs aren't even that good looking though. but then again, i'm not a big car person. intriguing, i'm sure. intrigue. spell?

my bed here isn't as comfortable as i remember it.
my piano here sounds too loud when i play it.
this desk is so cluttered.
my neck hurts.
swimming today? i guess not. i don't know what i think about swimming anymore.
i'm only blogging cause i ran out of things to do. hey, i can complain though! wait..i did that already. dammit.

so anyways, how's things?

i want to see a movie tonight. i think i'll do some calling a little later on.
i went to julia's sister's blog today. in her side info thing, she mentions that she loves love. i guess that's alright. i wonder what it's like to hate love. actually, i can imagine it. i dunno if i think love exists. i mean, romantic love. cause family love is kind of biological and ingrained into your genes. altruism and all that. we did this a while ago at school, but i've been thinking a lot about it lately. no, i don't think love exists. it's decided. don't feel sorry for me, it's not as sad as it sounds.

i watched "shaolin soccer" yesterday. i guess it's really popular in asian countries, and that's the movie robin and alex were freaking out about when they saw it at my aunt's house. the soccer parts were lame-ass, but funny and cool. that's right. lame and cool. it was just that funky. but i was gonna say how it made me think "oo i want to play soccer", but then i remembered i'm probably never going to play soccer again.

i feel pretty out of it. i'd better change my imood indicator. hahaha. aww..i bet i will, too.

shannon's grounded till february? tsk tsk.

xmas is postponed in our family. how's that for christmas spirit?

i think jen is realizing the problems associated with only associating with specific boys for 4 months. i know a couple of girls would rather not be around her, but i wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that she only hangs out with guys. she's been trying to hang out with girls..well...a couple...lately. good for her. i should make her a hero cookie.

but in the meantime, i will serenade you with my voice that you can imagine yourself.
i fall, i crawl, to pick you up / i sleep for years just to wake you up

i know those are most likely the wrong lyrics. pfft. hehe. seriously, fart jokes never cease to amuse me. as long as they don't involve an actual fart.

on scrubs, they said that during labour, you will fart, poop, pee, and your vagina has an 80% chance of tearing. yiieee is all i have to say to that.

is labour spelt differently when it's talking about baby/pregnant lady labour?

i swear, 40% of my blog is just me wondering if i spelt stuff right.
trust me, i calculated it.

i hope no one believed me.

i feel like going to ace's. or just walking around outside. i'll probably do neither.

gonna go now, i'm sure i'll blog more later.

i'm going home today.

i smashed a table in two yesterday. funny story. i'll tell it to you someday. it involves inertia, a hushed classroom, cameras, and my ass-power of death.

something else happened too..

we got accepted to biotech. i feel weird, i don't understand why.

that wasn't what i wanted to say though. if only i could remember..

barely anything pleases me more than hearing others recognize that intro as "Under Pressure" - Queen, and not "Ice Ice Baby" -Vanilla Ice.

a lot of the yearbook write ups about me involve lesbianism, little girls, and anal ____s.

i think it's because i left my write up at school by accident, and everyone read what i wrote about them. ah well. as long as it's funny.

i haven't talked to devon in ages...

Stephanie says:
and everytime you type" pfft!"
Modified Glam Mullet says:
pfft
Stephanie says:
it reminds me of how when i talk to my brothers
Stephanie says:
they write "pfft" to imitate a fart sound
Stephanie says:
so it makes me smile.
Modified Glam Mullet says:
hahahahhaha SICK!!
Stephanie says:
lol
Modified Glam Mullet says:
hahahah thats sooo funny
Modified Glam Mullet says:
Pfft...farting
Stephanie says:
true though, eh?
Modified Glam Mullet says:
bwahahahhahaha
Modified Glam Mullet says:
yeah one of those semi silent ones
Stephanie says:
i bet you'll never say that again
Stephanie says:
yeah, silent. but deadly
Modified Glam Mullet says:
without thinking of the farting noise

i got up to leave for class today, and when i turned around, someone said that there was rice on my back (i dunno why). they helped me wipe it off as lisa kept yelling, "CHINA-WOMAN!! CHINAWOMAN!! YOU ARE A CHINA WOMAN!!"

it was hilarious cause i am chinese.

so today is the first day of the second last week of real school. it still hasn't sunk in. and i know i said before that it has. but i lied. just for all you people who are keeping track.

i told my mom that i thought two whole weeks of holiday was outrageous, and it should only be one week. she laughed and asked me when did i turn so studious? she meant it as an insult. well she's short. honestly, it surprises me every time i look at her.

i was walking through eaton's, talking about how i was considering telling people i didn't want them to give me anything, while going into stores and saying "oo..sales!".

i saw the pictures that are going to be used in the strange matter exhibit. they spent a whole roll of film on me, and i look like i'm drooling in all of them, because of my expression (interested amazement), and the reflection off the glass in front of me. laura's and B's looks good though. and they only had 5 pictures taken. the photographer is seriously creeping me out now though. he asked where exactly i lived in ttown. he said "north of the river?" and i said "nah..more..that a way" while moving my hand to my left. as if he'd know. seriously..he had the scariest expression on his face. save me joe!

bio test was alright today. gabe is cool. for the bonus question, he gave each of us 3 minutes to go to the human body exhibits and to look for the answers to the questions. but for every 15 seconds you were late, you forfeited one bonus mark. i didn't do it, because after a few people had left, he admitted that he timed himself, and it took him exactly 3 minutes to walk there and back. when krystian came back, i guess he was sprinting the whole way, cause he smashed into the door. lisa, who came to school even though she's sick, swore like the dickens, and said that she thought she was about to barf, cause it freaked her out so badly. i couldn't help laughing every time she said that..just imagining her barf all over her test because she was so scared.

i know, it's lame.

shannon laughed at me when i told her the phantom of opera's "think of me" reminded me of how i felt about her and all my other friends (spcss and this school). i don't blame her. of course, (we discussed this) the last part, where raoul talks about christine sort of ruins it. let's not get the wrong ideas here. at least i didn't tell her about my idea to invite spcss people over, and i'd play it for them. wait. i did. well at least i didn't post it on the internet for everyone to see and to ridicule. wait.

today mike got mad at me during calc. he had just written half of a lesson on the board, and was pausing while he considered what he was going to say next. i was thinking, and when i think, i fill my cheeks with air. so i did that, and i noticed something rubbery in my mouth. i pulled it out, and it was ...

mike: so what we have here is....
me: why are there eraser sharpenings in my mouth??
class: blah blah ooo bruhaha that's ttown girls for you aaaa ruckus
mike: puhleeze...let...me...finish...my......LESSON!

while staring at me! and towering over me! i thought he was going to eat my math books or something!
hm..that'd be pretty entertaining actually...

the computer room smelt like ASS today. it was nasty! god, you have no idea. mike came in to show off his new steel-toed boots that the science centre gave him for free, and later he admitted that he was too embarassed to ask what that raunchy funk was.

i told you shannon, we couldn't handle that funk. no matter how white, nor how boy-ish, i am. (lol...yeah..)

after school on wednesday, annie, allison and i (and kelvin. what's with that? ah well) are getting our hair cut. together. yeah..well it's the newest cool trend. do ultra-girly girl things with a self proclaimed "sensitive boy".

wednesday is another free imax movie for us too. yips.
friday, dandy andy and 3 other people from his semester are coming to visit school! that's so awesome, i'm really looking forward to it. it sucks that allison and lisa are going home early though, so they won't get to meet them. i just noticed today that the promotional posters up around osc (promoting "dress differently day" for united way) had a picture of andrew's semester on it. andrew is in the back, wrapped in toilet paper, including his face. there's just a breathing hole in the middle, so i recognized the picture from the other people. it's almost embarassing admitting how badly i obsessed over his yearbook.

that was a pretty lame story. and reminds me of how i was accepted to be a volunteer at osc. not so great. i saw the list of other people chosen, and it makes me feel like it was an insult to be chosen.
not really. i'm just not looking forward to the "training" day. which is 3 hours long. and after school on thursday, next year. of course, they can't do it right after school. it has to be at 6. which means not enough time to go home, but just enough time for me to be bored out of my mind. that day, i'll be at osc for 13 hours. that'll be fun. if anyone tries to be my friend...goddamit...

anyways, i don't have much to say. this weeks looks like pie. fucking biotech still hasn't given me a reply. jerks.
and our mentor is being a difficult ass. he's not really our mentor yet either. i just call him that because he's the most likely one to accept us. and that is a bad thing.

i made a child cry today. i was trying to make them a headband so that we could put paper reindeer antlers on it, so i had to wrap a section of paper around their head. he gave me the most horrified look, cowered, then grabbed his mom's hand. i told him i needed to wrap it around his head. he nodded. i went to wrap it, and he kept staring at it, and backing away. finally, he started crying and looked all violated. well. it wasn't as bad as the time i smiled at a kid, and they started crying.

so there is this one hot host, named joseph. he was at the xmas party, making balloon animals. allison, laura and i figured out today that the hot host we always talk about, happens to be that same guy. he was wearing a funny bowtie, that was all puffy and clown-ish. after the party, while we were cleaning up, laura ran up to me and told me he had left the bowtie on a table outside. she said we should steal it. we all laughed. too bad i took her seriously. i made laura come out with me, and i nonchalantly took it...and took a deep sniff of it. she doesn't believe me that i was doing it just to be funny. i forced her into a corner after 3 minutes of chasing and made her smell it. it didn't smell good. it smelt dusty. so we decided it was probably borrowed. then we went back into the ballroom, and snuck up on allison while she was cleaning. we shoved it in her face, and she flailed her arms around, and looked like a bug.

later, laura and i saw him walking around all confused...prolly looking for it. so i put it back on the bare table we got it from, and where he had just came from. i bet the security guard is going to tell him i did it. ah well. this is where being mixed up with annie comes in handy. poor annie. i'll say it was her.

"Don't Walk Away Eileen" -sam roberts is on the radio picture box.

i love the video, but i don't like how they sometimes act out exactly what the lyrics are saying. the band parts are cool though.

so now that you're enlightened on that matter, we can keep on keepin' on.

his eyebrows...something is...yeah i dunno.
"you're a pacifist with a gun, eileen"

i think i'm gonna start going to more dances again when i go home. well..maybe not. i want to hang around in ttown and bville more though. there's a lot of places we haven't been. like the tattoo parlour. i hear it's pretty classy in there.
i don't even know if i'm sarcastic anymore.
i think some people consider laura, allison and i to be a clique. plus kristine... everyone is personalizing their sweaters, and kristine wants me and laura to put some cyclopropane symbol on it. because "you, me, and laura are like a cyclopropane!"
the story behind that is actually more funny than that. whatever. yeah, i know what you're thinking. jerk.

on sunday, i'm dressing up as an elf, along with other science school students, and we're helping out at some xmas function for osc staffers and their kids. allison and i are making reindeers.

wyclef jean is pretty cool.
my aunt has a yanni cd.

mm hmm.

i heard "peaches" by presidents of the united states of america for the first time in a long time today. it was great..i remember singing it in mrs.orr's class with julie and vic son. back when me, julie and vic son were the biggest tomboys in our class, and actually hung out together every day. lol now i'm thinking back to the day that vic and i found out julie wore bras, and we made fun of constantly. then one day, julie and i noticed vic was wearing a bra, and we gave each other knowing looks all throughout the day. funny..no one ever made fun of me wearing a bra. i feel so...

i think my brain just went all ... spuddy...
...
quiet you.

why am i still blogging? didn't i blog just a while ago?
answer me!

oh, good point.

damn, that was annoying. yet i'd do it again if i had the chance! bwaha.

abba will never die..i should start studying to it again. hahaha i remember josie called me once, to talk about math homework. and "voulez-vous" was playing, really loud. and though she didn't bring it up, i could tell in her voice that she had no idea what was going on at my house, and what my definition of doing math homework was.

my breath smells like shit.

tomorrow we're going to see star trek movie. shut up. you know you want to too.
everyone's debates were really good, but i think ours was the most intense. during the discussion period, you should have seen us go. it was back and forth comments, with no pauses in between.

mike said he was gonna get a cookbook for his girlfriend for christmas. what the hell? this is the guy who took her out to timhortons on valentine's day. we gently advised him to buy her something a little more ... expensive. today was funny in calc, because gary did his whbam. he played panflute music (recorded). everyone who had water bottles were playing them along with the music, but when the panflute came in the song, mike goes, "that's the panflute". alexgirl says "no duh mike". mike's face was so funny. he threw an eraser at her, then sulked, and played his water bottle. he was actually sitting in the corner, on a stool too.

i heard that yesterday, mike told gabe and his wife to "stop making out" at dinner. gabe had his hand on her shoulder.

what's with the whole trend of looking like a dirty army brat/vintage store shopper? i'm talking about music videos. urg.

this flower in my hair itches my ear. but i think i'll leave it.

kay, bye..for real this time.

i'm watching the great gatsby movie..the one with robert redford. i don't know why mr.peshnak thought this version was so much better than the one with paul rudd and mira sorvino. dammit daisy, you're such a bitch!

oh gatsby...when will you learn..

the pot luck went amazingly. it was such great fun. just overall good times. we played spoons, mixed with truth or dare. it got pretty violent, as you can imagine, with twenty-some people playing spoons, and lunging over each other. jessica got a pretty bad cut on her finger, i banged my collarbone, actually..lots of people got cut, heather hurt her head, and amanda got poked in the eye. but t'was fun. a highlight was when steph w was forced to either tell us which of the teachers she'd make out with, if she had to, or she had to go in the middle of the street, scream "I'M TOO SEXY!" and spank herself. surprisingly, she chose the latter. i was impressed, she went right into it, and didn't wuss out.

krystian asked me if i was a lesbian today. i said no. he asked again, and i said no!! and then he grilled me on why i said no so adamently the second time. i guess he was trying to make me say that i though gays were bad or something, but i was just thinking "why does he think i'm gay?" i guess i make a lot of sexual comments at school, towards girls and guys. it's always because of cliff though. damn. i'll never look at jam the same way again. he was pretty desperate in finding a lesbian among us. it was a pretty awkward conversation.

so at this potluck, we had a secret non-denominational holiday person exchange. i had robin, and i swear, i was one of the first people to get anyone a gift. and i can't find it! i still feel so awful. so i wrote him an iou that read: "dear robin. IOU one xmas gift, because i am a horrible person. love, santa". i put it in a tangerine crate, then wrapped the crate.

steph w had me, and she got me exactly what i wanted, even though i didn't have anything in mind. she got me a big flower that i can wear in my hair (i remember discussing this with her. and yet it didn't click when i saw it. i said, "i remember talking about wanting a flower with steph w, and someone else! so this gift must be from someone else!"), an osc pin, a giant pencil, and a crazy pen that has a dancing tree frog on it.

i still feel bad about robin's gift.

david didn't come home tonight. which is all for the best.

richard got cliff a bottle of vodka and lottery tickets. meanwhile, everyone else got sentimental stuff.

lisa's got norlock (norwok? how do you spell it?) virus, we think. poor girl. but we played some ABBA and she jumped up and started dancing. then after the song, she went back to sitting in the dark, crying in pain. she said she'd spent the whole afternoon vomiting, so she felt better.

my tummy is a little sore...i hope i didn't catch it from her. she did keep playing my piano..

this potluck felt more like a "goodbye party" than an xmas celebration. it sucks major ass. it took so long for me to act normal here, and now i have to go.

i act different here than i do at spcss. i didn't notice that until just now. but i think it's just because i'm older, so i act more immature (...??), but i gues...i'd prolly be like this if i hadn't gone here anyways.

we're getting school sweaters! *applause* kristine is organizing it all. it's cool how she's not the most academic of us, but you can see why she was chosen; she's such a student council person, and a social-leader, in a subdued way.

i had a heart to heart with B today. he feels like how i felt in the beginning of the semester. poor guy. he felt a lot better after hearing that i feel that way sometimes, and that i know of other people who feel like that too. t'was nice.

jeff was accepted to biotech. lyndsie was not (big shock. hers was really good), cause i guess it wasn't "doable". we haven't gotten a reply yet. if lyndsie's wasn't doable...i don't think ours will be either. oh god..i hope it is...i wish i could rewrite our proposal and hand it in again.

i just talked to dandy andy..he seems to talk to me a lot on msn now. it's weird. all our convos start like this (seriously):
him: QUAAAAAAH!!!
me: marrrr....
him: pooheat
me: you're mean
him: i'm sorry
me: you don't mean it.
him: i know
me: say you're sorry
him: sorry
me : you don't mean it.
him: i know
me: say you're sorry

and...scene. yeah. what was i gonna say? ah yeah. he said "well enjoy oscss while you can, it'll probably be the only experience that's like it".

i know...wasn't that the point? but i think he means the atmosphere/environment. and i dont' want to believe it. i think that's why i want so badly to go to university with alison, laura, and whoever else has mac as their first choice. at least we'll still see each other, and it'd be like...i'd still have some connection with school. i think if i had gone to this school for 3 years, then went to spcss for one semester, i'd be acting the same way to my friends there..and making a big deal about that. but i'm an ungrateful little witch. so you know how it is.

i don't like thinking i'm going to miss something that is still not over. like dominican. or high school. or eating a really good bagel sandwich.

i talk too much. my life revolves around this school. and i used to hate that...but now i don't like thinking of what'll happen when it doesn't anymore.

holy shit...i'm tired.

great gatsby's at the point in the hotel royale. where daisy acts like a dummy, yet again. arg. it's putting me in a foul state of moods.

now mertyle is dead.
and now i'm going to bed, i think

i should start using crest whitestrips again. they're so expensive..but they work like a monkey's banana.

krystian and i have a big scheme to get people to nominate us to be emcees for the grad ceremony. there's 3 positions (2 people per position) for grad, and i just want to be one of them. i was pretty surprised when krystian asked to "run" for emcee with me. he says it's because we both watch conan, and therefore, must be funny. people think we're crackheads. we keep doing lameass kids in the hall reenactments. "i squish you! i squish you!" *pretends to squish a man standing across the room with fingers* he keeps trying to get me to fight lisa, because lisa is the only other girl who wants to be emcee. she really wants to be it, but i just really really want attention. so boo her. yay me. sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar sugar

where is my ritalin?

pretends. pertends.
i think krystian just wants us to fight so that he can toss laura in there, and eventually, we'll start making out. which is what always happens. he even said to me the other day "how do you like jello? what do you think of an italian, a chinese, and a blonde together...with jello....eating it, of course...."

today's volunteer interview was a lameass waste of 2 hours. maybe it was because i had been at school for over 12 hours. maybe cause i met someone there who was going to oscss 2nd semester, and it made me realize that i do have to leave here eventually. maybe because of that idiot girl who was trying to slip in little bits of information of herself, and who would spontaneously burst out compliments to the interviewers. i dont' even want the volunteer spot. except one wierd thing was that i met a guy who looked and acted exactly like un-alex. and he even had a friend there, who acted/looked (well..was a redhead) like un-jake, the redhead.

sharon can't come get me on xmas break anymore, that asshole. lol, well..she actually never was going to get me so... meh. there's going to be a mini-reunion though. i'm supposed to talk to the other canadians who went, to talk about rides. but really, i didn't hang out with them much. except becky and tara. i got an email from sharon, and it was written exactly how she talks. it was funny, it sucks how i never see these people ever again. and i know that'lll happen with the other oscssers. but i say this every post, so i won't this time.

anyways, the volunteer interview was like a crappy crappy crappy (crappy) version of the oscss interview. they tried to make it fun, but it was so boring and lameass. one activity was to get in a group, and choose from a list of people (gramma, student, doctor...etc) who to save, if you can only save one. the people got so into it, and had a big discussion. i was FUCKING BORED. i hate hate hate when people try to impress others, for personal gain. i do it all the time. but seriously, it's annoying as hell. just act real, people, you fuckhead losers. afterwards, one girl came to me and said she felt so much pressure, and was so nervous. i was like, "you fucking asswipe. what the fuck is wrong with you? it's a fucking volunteer job". she said that her college exams were less pressure than that. man, she was fucking annoying. she asked me where i'd apply for a volunteer job if i didn't get it here. i said, well..i don't really need to volunteer anywhere..so i probably won't. she acted all surprised and was like "but...if you don't apply..how will you get a volunteer job??". she does realize that volunteer doesn't mean you get money, right? she was acting like i would die if i wasn't a volunteer.

what sucks is she'll prolly get in, cause she tries so hard. i hope i don't get chosen. i should have skipped the interview. foolish child i am.

i think i need sleep. i thought i had learnt to stop swearing.

today i had my picture taken for the new exhibit opening in osc in june, strange matter. the guy had me stare in amazement at this weird magnet and liquid metal thing for about an hour, while he took pictures. lol at one point, he said he needed to "soften the light". i found that hilarious. i also did the staring in amazement with some other guy, who was supposed to be my father. yeah....he's funny. because we had our cheeks pressed against each other for the longest time, and you can't see it in the pictures, but we were standing in the most awkward ways. i was balanced on one leg, outstretched on a table, with my other leg sticking straight out. i felt like a fool when visitors accidentally walked in. ah yes. this guy who was my father, was caucasian. then i took pics with some kid (asian) who was supposed to be my brother. but the most hilarious part was when the photographer was talking to me, and then told me i'd have to take off my xmas lights necklace. so i did. then he told me to take off my other necklace. so i did. then he told me to take off my sweater. which i paused. then did. then he told me to ...

just kidding. but laura and B were there, and they thought the same thing. i read B's yearbook write up about myself today. he mentioned the whole anal thing. damn you B!

we did our debates today. it went surprisingly well, considering i was on the "for" side of the issue, but personally believe the "against" side. it was interesting having to defend something you didn't believe in. i think we did pretty well.

i'm feeling boring.

when i read the kris sullivan entry in emma's blog, it made me feel like...how do i say this....how the fuck did he get into her blog?? i hope it was emma that, for some unknown reason, thought to blog a post under the name of kris sullivan. and plus, it seemed like he was apologizing for doing something weird. but isn't hacking/sneaking into someone's blog, weird enough?

holy shit. when did it become past 12??

everyone else got to go to the royal canadian air farce today. i wanted to go, even though i think rca farce sucks. the sick thing? i wanted to go because the teachers are bringing their "significant others" (mike's not married. how do i know? yeah...don't ask), and i wanted to meet them.

quite the creepy. funny, cause i just went on about the weirdness of kris sullivan's post, yet i go and admit something slightly weirder.

i talked to julie for the first time in a long while today. she said all the grade 12s were pretty tight this year. i dunno what the hell she's talking about, even though i dont' have proof against that. but ... i bet she's not considering a lot of the other cliques in grade 12, but only hers and some other one that contains many guys. i.e. the frankfords. she's exhausted her supply, so she's branching out. no offense. she'd prolly admit this too. (lol..how do you not take offense to what i just said about her?!) i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about.

here, i'll make it all better: i'm a slut. there.

i want to go home because...
i want to be able to walk to school again. walk to school, without having to see more than 60 cars one way. i dont' want to walk with other people though. sometimes i'm happiest when i'm not around other people. that can't be healthy. ah well. screw you.

in the volunteer interview, they told us some guidelines to being a volunteer. one line the girl said was, "don't pick your nose in front of the visitors". okay...wait...let me write this down...

hahaha i just remembered when the photographer was almost done with me, and he said "oh yeah, that's the shot". i heard "money shot" and remembered the much music ad with the fat guy in a thong, wearing a monkey mask with a clown wig on. and he was dirty dancing with a much music logo.

much music has some sick sick ads.

i didn't do anything tonight. but i think i deserve it. (no i don't.. i hate myself. just like my calculus box)

someone gave me a pencil, and i decided it was my newest good luck pencil. i found a pen on the floor, and i dubbed it my good luck pen. i found some jelly beans in the couch during the interviewed, dubbed them good luck jelly beans, and dared a quarter of the people (seperately) to eat one. this is how i introduced myself, seriously. i don't think i deserved the looks they gave me.

well maybe i did. i was really tired today, so during lunch, i was slouched really deep down in the student lounge chair. when i'm tired, i just start saying things that pop in my head. so...as you can probably guess, i was singing. and i was singing some christina aguilera song, but concentrating on loudness. so i'm slumped, with my chin on my chest, bellowing "i am beautiful! no matter what you say!" while playing with my stomach. people would walk by, and i'd just scream "i am beautiful, crommie! no matter what you saaaay!". i dont' know why the fuck they pay any attention to me at all. someone said i looked drunk. so they handed me a waterbottle to hold, and snapped pictures. i kept singing, but acted like i was crying. it was pretty funny.

i was about to say that all my stories are so self-centred. but then i remembered that this is my blog.
i think that's pretty funny.

nighty night

why didn't sam roberts just make a real cd? who the hell wants a 6 song "sampler"?!

bastard. give me my music, or i'll sit here and do nothing!

mariah c's song is on the tv. or image cube, the radio picture box, as i like to call it. whoa...that's quite the 80's dress...wait a minute..isn't this her new song? aw the girl just mouthed "i love you" to that guy. i feel at peace with the world. why is it that in music videos they always overemphasize their "L"'s? eh. i guess that's lip-sync for you. you'd think they'd be good at it. if you base your singing career on lip-synching, you should be one hell of an amazing lip-syncher.

i turned my head to look at the radio picture box, and slapped rosco in the face with my hair clips in the process.

i was hypnotized by gabe today. he's a psych major, and promised us he'd hypnotize us. so he did. all 20 some of us. it was weird..but familiar. it was just like that phase where you're dreaming, but you're not quite asleep. i could have done that myself, in fact i think i did, just the other day, in class. anyways, it was okay, but surprisingly not that interesting to blog about. EXCEPT, when gabe was telling us to relax our thighs, then relax our "behind"s, i was thinking "oh god...if someone farts right now..."

and...

someone...

...didn't. no one farted. did i tell you about the time my mom and i were joking about farts for at least 20 minutes straight? yeah. my mom is cool.

so last friday, we went to yuk yuks. and it was hilarious! the headliner was a girl named nicky payne, and i'd seen her on the radio picture box before (yeah..i'll admit, that is getting annoying now..). she told some of the same jokes, but they were still funny anyways. so much humping...oh god....she did air-humping every 2 seconds. and it never got old.

so i'm teaching lisa how to play piano, right? and the first song she learned was Heart and Soul. it's so fun teaching her, because after she plays anything right (one bar...one note) we break and clap. but...for some lame reason, we clap above our heads, with our fingers outstretched, and with our mouths open. i'm sure there's a reason for it..but...
except after yuk yuks, and all the air-humping, lisa tends to say "yaaaaay!" and hump the air violently. not to be upstaged, i do my famous pseudo-irish jig (well...famous to myself. leave me to my dillusions!).

iee. they can make anything look exciting and amazing now a days. like "drumline", the new movie about a bunch of drummers in a school band. makes me want to drum. holy crap, that's a lot of gyrating packed in 30seconds. what a messed up trailer. it's funny, cause it looks like it's supposed to be a drama. "brent...that drumstick..." "what is it Chastity?" "...*sob* i...i...i have one just like it!" "*slap* don't you DARE say anything like that about drumsticks!!"

...did i just do that?

yesterday, was "harass the shit out of gary" day. i think i was the only one who knew about it though. i have this little chrismas light necklace, and i've been wearing it lately. so people have commented, and the other day, krystian asked where i got it, and i said "oo, you like it? does it make you jealous?" and then i noticed gary, who was standing next to krystian, watching me. so i turn to him, and said "does this make you jealous, gary?" and i was swinging the necklace so it made this wave motion. he didn't react at all. so i said "what if i do this?" i started dancing (..that is...making weird steps, while staying in the same place) and lunging at him. he still did nothing. then walked away, without saying a word. krystian was laughing, but i think he felt sorry for me, (or maybe gary..) and he couldn't stand up. it was then that i realized other people had been watching me the whole time. we had a good laugh. then i spotted gary on the other side of class, giving me weird looks. so i waved at him and bellowed "GAAAAARRYYYYYYY wazzaap, azian pryde, yo!" he turned and walked away. krystian told me to stop patronizing him, and i still stand by it that it's not patronizing unless you call it that. so later, after some distractions (i get distracted easily..how sad..) and strange circumstances, alison and i were giving each other high fives. we tend to do that a lot. anyways, we were high fiving over and over, and our hands were starting to hurt. i said that mine felt warm, and when we looked at them, they were all red. gary was suddenly beside me, so i turn to him and say "gaaryy! fix it!! take iiit! fiiix iiit!" gary is now trapped. lucky for him, mike called class to start, and i left him alone after that.

i sat beside him in bio today, because B took my seat. i think he was scared.

it's so unfair that we have to leave and most likely never see each other again, after being forced to become so close.
well..i'm not even "close" to these people..i just feel comfortable with them, and it's fun. i can't believe i'm never going to see most of them again after this year. i really want to go to mac. cause then allison and i will be together...forever...forever.....*whisper* forever...

as if i couldn't get any creepier. haha

no, i mean that because i know where everyone is applying and first choices to universities here, it seems almost like we're most definately going to go to university together. plus same programs. but i dont' like expecting that. it probably won't happen. ah well.

i'm really excited to go back to st.paul's honestly. i dont' know if it's because i'm wearing my st.paul's falcons shirt or what, but i can't wait.

yet i don't want to leave here. wow. what a horrible dillema. starving children my ass, this is what is important.

justin timberlake's new video makes me think that britney cheated on him.
damn....i watch way too much of the radio picture box.

so i clipped rosco's nails yesterday. it took around 2 hours, and now everything smells like him. it's kind of sick. hahaa when i told jessica today, she thought i said my brother, not rosco. that reminds me of one day in calc, when we were talking about how i'm teaching lisa piano now. and i said that she should call me "mrs.sun". she corrected me, saying i wasnt' married yet. so i said "oh yeah..that's right. i mean, i dont' like my brothers that much". there was a unified "EW" that swept through the classroom. i didn't think it was that disgusting. it's not like i said i did like them that much. besides, i was just sayin'.

i can never figure out what the fuck missy elliot is trying to say. i can tell what words she's saying...but i think that's the problem.
as if it matters.

we were talking about power rangers on time (missy elliot and i, of course) and i mentioned how me and my friends used to play "power rangers" at recess. this was with the original ones. i was the black one. who happened to be black. i never realized that the black ranger was black, the yellow one was asian, and the red one could have been a native american. and the green one was a leprechaun. i can't believe i never saw it. that's desensitizing for you.

i have a debate tomorrow. i'm looking forward to it, but i know i'm going to come out frustrated and angry. they always get so personal, and it's so hard trying not to slap the other guy.

tomorrow is my interview for volunteering at OSC. we'll see how it goes. everyone else is going to royal canadian air farce show, and dinner. i want to go. this one is with the teachers too. they are always fun. it sucks.

i'm only applying for one scholarship. and yet i'm sitting on my ass (blogging! of all things.) as the deadline approaches.

tomorrow is also a photo shoot! hehe. i found out that this one lady was looking for people to take pictures of to include in a new exhibit they're gonna open at osc, called "strange matter". so of course, i was chosen.
no, i make it sound like it's so prestigeous or something, but really all i did was call in and beg her to let me be in the pictures. i had to convince her i looked 14. she's gonna beat me when she meets me tomorrow.

too many of my stories end with violence.

anyways, i find it exciting.

that same day, we were talking about first impressions. and we went around. i confessed i hated being here for the first 2 weeks or so. and that i found everyone boring at first, because they were being too polite. and anyone who wasn't boring, i didn't like. (eg.lisa. who i now enjoy quite a bit). some people i didnt' even notice until a month later (eg. jen, gary). and everyone else i only used 3 adjectives to describe, in varying degrees (nice, friendly, outgoing). i blogged all this way back when, i remember.
so then everyone else's first impressions were basically the same as mine. cliff and jenna were big dressy people, and everyone was too polite. but then steph w. says, "yeah, and steph, i didn't like you because you made me jealous because we had the same name, and you were so much cooler than me". hehehe. i'm cool. but then cliff said "yeah, but then you got to know her and didn't feel bad anymore, right?" aw...boo. t'was funny anyways. steph reminds me so much of...samantha k. but worse. maybe...samantha k, in grade 5 (the awkward stage), mixed with all the insecurities teenage girls can have. steph also told me her mom was racist against chinese people (specifically) because they "come in our country, and steal all our jobs". and that if steph's sister laurie didn't get into med school, it was because "one of the chinese people would have taken it from her". yeah, i didn't bother commenting on it, not that it was steph's opinon or anything. i just said well it sucks your mom's like that, and isn't she an immigrant? (her mom was, not that it matters)

later, steph also said (yeesh..this girl says a lot of things..) that "man, i was really annoying tonight". but this was totally out of the blue. she hadn't been annoying at all, but i didn't say anything. i don't know if it was the right thing to do, since she's insecure and all, but if people have got to learn not to fish for compliments sooner or later.

my hands are cold.

david is coming home tomorrow. not looking forward to living with people again. he doesn't know about my plan to have 26 other people over on friday. vic son said she might drop in. actually, we figured out that she wouldnt' be able to (surprise surprise, someone can't visit me. sorry, i'm bitter, and for no reason) but i like thinking she might.

shannon's gift is hilarious. i love it. what the fuck is with emma? hahaha

i need new shoes, since i ripped holes in my bowling shoes.

rosco is funny now that he can't hold on to anything.

sam roberts is playing in february..dare i achête des billets?

believe it or not, i haven't said what i came on to say. and yet. i realize it is something dumb. you can imagine.

bye boyoos

i feel bad..

last year, i entered a baby picture of myself and a baby picture of andrew into the yearbook..and i think i lost them...

the littlest things seem like the biggest.

at least i'm at home. ahhh much better.

friday was great.

i'll go on about it later.
i was really upset about the calc test, as you can tell by last post. my mom called, and as was predicted, i cried about the whole situation.

she calls andrew (Secretly) and tells him to call me and to cheer me up. which he does. i'd go into it, but it's lame, boring, and i'm not too sure why i'm blogging it anyways.

i didn't expect to be so lazy. if i knew, i wouldn't blog in first place..

i'm home right now! i'm really happy...i missed this house so much.

i'll be annoying and say: i have so much to say..but i don't feel like blogging it.

ta ta!

ah yes. i found a rubber tube in the student lounge. krystian and i blew air at eachother with it, at the same time. then we wanted to see what would happen if i used it to blow air up his nose. it was fun.

friday, i had no classes. mike's relative (one of them..) passed away, so scisoc and calc were both cancelled.

mike's seemed so empty lately.

kristine acted strange around me for a while. prolly cause i was being strange around her. she started looking at me the way she looks at jen. you probably have no idea what i'm talking about, do you? for all you know, we could all be lesbians, giving sexy looks at each other and acting all sexy strange too.
anyways, all was settled by friday evening. she locked the club on her car without the key. she tried driving it anyways. bad news: you can't drive when the club is on your car. good news: the club works.

so...at least i slapped some slap on this thing.
i want to see a matinée tomorrow, with friends. and i must show shannon the Toike Oike, that is, the student run newspaper from U of T, from the engineering department. it's hilarious.

that reminds me, today i spent my whole day in the UofT sigmund samuel library. awkward? not so much. it made me really ... sigh. i'm so biased towards UofT, it's sad. it's like i founded the place or something. anyways, mcmaster's library (the ONE we saw) wasn't as great as that one, but i think mac is still my first choice. honestly...i think it's the only university on my list that i'm seriously considering now...but no more of such words.

i was in the library since my mom was in the next building, the medical arts one, at a medical lecture. as i am a lazy, lazy, sonovich, i still have a G1 only. so i have to wait for my rides. i fell asleep in the library. and dammit! i was wearing my frigging UofT sweater that mark got me last xmas!! you have no idea...k..let me start from start...or at least in middle.

my mom's med lecture included breakfast and lunch. i can be the biggest mooch you've ever given pity-food to, so i just walked in, wearing my hugeass parka, 2 bags, and a UofT sweater, eating food that was CLEARLY for doctors only. lol, i think i fooled them. then one of the doctors asked me when i was graduating (From university). i said..well i'm still in grade twelve. but.. this year, i suppose.
the look i got...he was probably thinking "ew. she must do this a lot. i bet she has sweaters for all the universities in ontario, so she can pretend to be students there too".

it was amusing.

i can't go to clash of titans. who the hell plans school events on a monday, and expects people to show up!? especially me, since st.paul's is supposed to be all about me.

i'm extremely saddened by the news (well..realization) that i can't submit my yearbook cover, that was created last year. and what the fuck? "where's the falcon"?! by just hearing that theme, you can tell it was a m(a)ckormack who came up with it. common...."enter: the falcon" is mucho better. lol, i love my pseudo-spanish.

i saw a jewish midget the other day. i told krystian it was a sign from God. the Jewish God. which i guess..is the same as the God i was talking about.

what the fuck AM i talking about?

ah.

bye!

nothing i do helps. i was the big smartass for this whole unit, yet my test ends up being my lowest mark.

this is shit. i'm not even angry though, nor sad. i feel empty when i think about it, because it's like a sign from God that what i do doesn't have an effect on my marks. i did every single last question, plus some, for this test. yet i got 20% lower than i thought i would. i was so confident going in, and leaving. i worked so hard, and results were showing in class, but then i take the test...

i can't believe how bad my mark is.

it still hasn't sunk in, i guess.

i tried so hard!

i feel like i might as well fuck around and not do anything for the rest of the semester, cause i'll still get the same marks. maybe even better, since i was doing better back when i wasn't working so hard.

i'm starting to feel a little pissed off about this.

i know i did everything i could to do well on this test, and i needed a higher mark so badly...if i hadn't tried so hard, i wouldn't be complaining as much. it was easier back when i could blame myself for my bad marks. but now...since i did so much...it's like it wasn't my fault, it can't be mike's fault...so it must be fate.

today i had a lot of fun. but whenever i have fun, i get bad bad news about academics, or anything else that is actually important.

i bet i'll cry when i tell my mom about this. i always feel like a lameass when i cry about marks (nearly every week since coming here), but in this case, i feel like it's justified.

it's so unfair.

i did everything!

i could answer all the questions no one else could answer.

why the fuck did i do so badly?

the worse part is that there's nothing i can do to fix it.

and i honestly feel like giving up, for the first time since coming here.

i hate this. today was such a good day, why did this have to happen?

is my life going to be like this from now on? why did i have to grow up so pampered.

i feel like everyone has an advantage over me, but that deep down, i could be as good, or better, than them. except it's too late now, because i never started out right.

the fact that i'm gifted feels like an insult now.
it doesn't even mean anything.
it's such bullshit.

if i had to follow in my brother's footsteps, i should at least to as well as they did.
i never reach my potential.
swimming..school..piano..anything. everything is going to shit. and it's too late to change any of it.
i used to be told all the time that i'm not reaching my potential. they always tell me where i could go, but they never help me get there. i want to blame them, but i know it's my fault. but i can't see how it's my fault...i tried so hard!!

andrew was right.

i'm sick of everything.

calculus isn't even hard. i just...ugh..

i feel like i'm dying.
this isn't even about my grades anymore.
i can never do enough. it reminds me of how upset i was during the whole "we're coming to toronto" fiasco. it felt like everyone was dumping on me, for me to arrange it all. my mom was saying one thing, and my friends another, and there was no way of pleasing anyone. i wanted to slap all of them.

sorry guys.

the other day, we were all in the computer lab, and kristine said something about wanting to go to a movie, but she had to do her calculus first. then she did that lameass joking punch in the shoulder. i didn't react; i was working. she says "well geez...fine then."
and i said "sorry. next time i'll make sure i act happy, so you can be happy too."
she just stared at me. and then laughed.
i know she's a little pissed off at me, and that's the most fucked up thing. it's happened before; people being mad because i didnt' act the way they wanted me to act.

i used to get mad at that. but now i figure, if they're mad, they're mad. i didn't do anything to make them mad, so i shouldn't have to do anything to make them happy again.

i feel really...i'm not sure.

it's not a good feeling though.
i'm going home this weekend. i need time to wallow in self-pity, and to get away from this freezing cold house.

i'm such a liar

i know it's annoying to read though all this..but seriously...we have been talking about abusing midgets for about an hour now..

. says:
even about the backless chaps
. says:
which I also acquired for the midgets
the blue touque says:
barrels of midgets in backless chaps is exactly what i had in mind. with many a racing and hucking of the midgets.
. says:
I like when they splat against the windshields....oh man, those drivers never see it coming....
the blue touque says:
well they should expect things like that when they drive at night. that's what makes night driving so dangerous. flying midgets.
. says:
falling midgets....I didn't get the flying ones
the blue touque says:
dammit krystian!!
the blue touque says:
*sigh*. falling ones will do.
. says:
I'm sorry....I'm not endowed with the proper midgets...I realsie I am not a complete man
the blue touque says:
you'll never be a real man.
the blue touque says:
not without the right kind of midget.
the blue touque says:
*ahem*, little person, as they like to be called.
the blue touque says:
don't want to be politically incorrect, now.
. says:
I promise I'll get the little people my love...then in a fit of passion we'll make love on top of them, slit their throats, boil the blood, drink it, then gut them, empty them, and climb inside of them to keep warm throught out the night...
the blue touque says:
ooo romantic!
. says:
only for you Steph...only for you
the blue touque says:
you're such a gentleman, krystian
. says:
well, when the little people are involved...
the blue touque says:
they're like a drug, aren't they. they just have that effect.
. says:
that's why I pop one once a day....
. says:
I think I may be addictted..
the blue touque says:
nah, one a day is the norm
. says:
I'm glad I'm not abnormal....well, for licking a midget once a day....
. says:
I perfer the negroes...you?
the blue touque says:
negroes are alright. i have a thing for the latinos. they're spicy.
. says:
cajun....cajun midgets steph...
the blue touque says:
i've never tried one of those. i feel so deprived. it's like that saying: you haven't lived until you've licked a cajun midget.
. says:
it's so true....they have this robust flavour to them....if you mix them with the right amount of horseradish and endives....
. says:
bon appetite
the blue touque says:
i think i saw that dish on iron chef once.
the blue touque says:
the guy won, of course.
the blue touque says:
the midgets were the surprise ingredient.
the blue touque says:
or were they just thrown in there from the crowd? i'm not too sure.
. says:
I though tit was the horseradish...
. says:
midgets are so household now...
the blue touque says:
that's true. it's a shame.
the blue touque says:
it is a little creepy when you open your pantry, and there's 15 midgets stuffed in there.
the blue touque says:
backless chaps or not.
. says:
it's the eyes....you know what they say, "look a midget in the eye, you'll want to eat him and die"
the blue touque says:
ah yes. the ancient chinese proverb.
the blue touque says:
what wisdom
the blue touque says:
!
. says:
the Chinese would know the most about midgets....what with the Midget-la being located in Tibet
the blue touque says:
yeah, that's why there's the big conflict between tibet and china
the blue touque says:
it's cause they all want some of those delicious midgets.
. says:
it's sad when people come to blows over midgets...
. says:
i see them as a uniting force
the blue touque says:
yeah, you'd think so
. says:
the force of midgets....that will be my thesis

i dunno what it is. but people have said "damn you steph sun. damn you to hell" a lot to me. in the exact same words and tone. and just this year.
there was unalex, allison, krystian...hm..i guess not that many then.

ah well. as long as i get attention.

i'm so lonely.

*sobs in corner*

everything has gone all crazy like!

anything remarkable about today? hmm...

cliff sent me a picture of a guy shoving a jar of jam up another guy's hairy ass. it was in response to me sending him the picture of kevin sorbo in tightie whities. he liked it.

i realized today that alex and i are better friends than some other people. and i'm talking about alexGUY. i think it was when i saw him doing chinese bowl, and we both waved overly enthusiastically at each other, then laughed, for no real reason. that sounds lamer than i wanted it to.
i'm too...not quite emotional, but something like that. i change my opinions about people really quickly. i think it's the moods.

uh oh.. cliff is messaging me...
and krystian..ieee...

hahaha we are not the most politically correct people in the world.
snippits:
("."=krystian)
. says:
you know what that means.....Gary'll be peaking too!
the blue touque says:
yesssss
the blue touque says:
he'd BETTER.
. says:
I said it once and I'll say it again.... DAMN YOU STEPH SUN....damn you to hell....
the blue touque says:
hahaha ah yes.
the blue touque says:
that should be your quote
. says:
too obvious...
. says:
what you want me to bring?
the blue touque says:
hehhe..
the blue touque says:
um, an entrée, if you can. i have a feeling not a lot of pple will bring any of those
the blue touque says:
you WERE talking about the pot luck, right?
the blue touque says:
(i dunno what else you would be asking about..nevermind)
. says:
I meant tonight...for our midnight rendezvous....
the blue touque says:
ah yes, of course.
. says:
whip cream, cherries, whips, midgets?
the blue touque says:
yes. barrels and barrels of midgets.
. says:
good....I just got in the order
. says:
when you pulll them out of the barrel, they all link arms....it's kinda cool
. says:
kind of like that game...barrel of midgets...
the blue touque says:
haha yeah, i was just about to say, i had one of those barrels when i was a kid
the blue touque says:
the midgets got out of hand one day though, so we had to throw them out.
the blue touque says:
gave them to salvation army.
. says:
flush them?
. says:
oh...
the blue touque says:
we flushed the small ones.
. says:
well, I suppose that's humane
the blue touque says:
you bet!
. says:
did they try and crawl back up when you were going to the washroom ever?
the blue touque says:
they still do
the blue touque says:
we have a special club beside the toilet. it's for clubbing midgets that crawl back up.
. says:
do you want me to shave them...all over
the blue touque says:
sure. seems like the logical step.
. says:
if you have silk sheets they slide really well.
. says:
we could have races....
the blue touque says:
we could huck them at passing cars
the blue touque says:
the possibilites are limitless, when midgets are involved.

midgets should kill me. i'm such a bastard.

damn this is frustrating

i'm watching stars on ice. x-mas tradition..that is sort of ... being broken this year. oh well. i'm sure my mom would like to watch, if she had the time. that's as good as watching...ohh that's more sad than funny...

i think figure skating is one of, maybe the hardest sports there is. when you consider the individual pressure, the balance, the hurts, the lack of support, the jumps, and all that jazz...whoa! this guy is doing riverdance...on ice!! aaaaaiieee...

now i'm watching chimpanzees who are learning chinese. it's in french. oh the humanity...what the--that baby chimp's hair looks combed!! wait a minute...

i'm wearing a touque. it's been a while. when i look at my reflection, i'm reminded of the alex mack, from the secret world of alex mack. i loved that show, and had forgotten it until just now. i'm sure same for you. hahahahha that picture is nothing like what i was looking for. i wanted you to see her in a touque. it's so big. it'll eat us all.

anyways, there's a strange story about this touque..

today was dinner night, and was lisa's turn to host. so afterwards, i walked to bus stop. it was really dark out, even though it was only about an hour ago.

aside: direct quote from steph w's mouth: "well butts are pretty much indestructable..."

so i was at the bus stop, by myself. richard and heather were across the street, at the bus stop that was going the other way. (bus). anyways, this guy suddenly appears behind me. no, actually, i saw where he came from. it's just that i didn't know there was a pathway there before. but the way i said it the first time sounds so much more magical. anyways, after a while, he mentions the cold of the air. i agree. he has an accent. it almost sounds french, but not quite. then after a while, he says that i should be wearing a hat. i say, yeah, but my scarf'll do. my scarf was wrapped around my head. then he pulls out a blue touque out from his fanny pack, and hands it to me. i say, no that's okay! and he says, just until the bus comes. so i put it on. i wondered about lice for a second, then was like, eh...more the merrier, i say. so i slapped it on. then when the bus came, i handed it to him, but he wouldn't take it! he told me to keep it. nice guy...i feel kind of undeserving. he looked cold too. he fell asleep on the bus, and i couldn't say bye. anyways, i should go wash this in boiling water, in case there was lice. but i don't do as i should.

mm...lice. just kidding. it's now my favourite hat (hah. out of the 2 that i have) just because of how i got it.

i decided to give jen back her i love math pencil i stole. turns out she knows i have it. and she's testing me. *sigh*

it was such good luck. but now i have a good luck touque. so all is well. and there is balance in the universe.

i want to see a movie this weekend. ah well. chinese speaking chimpanzees and cheesy skaters is enough for me.

i'll fix it later.

I wondered why you'd come around
remembering your little girl frown
your answers kept the crowd at bay
with compliments unwilling to pay
I had some things i'd like to say to you
but they just cant be true

As the red fades from your wrinkled dress
picture all the people youve impressed
hangs on a wall around here
vision starts to crawl when im near
and the evening waits
while you get caught up to your own mistakes
made up of different lines
I wouldnt wanna keep in my mind

red. treble charger.

on the 401, they have big electronic billboards telling people to arrive alive, and not to drink and drive. they always have that martini glass with some keys in it.

alex's friend: wow, that's classy. a martini glass. alex, where's your martini? and what's with those keys. well no duh they died! they must have choked on the keys!

bandages on my legs and arms for you
bandages bandages bandaga-e-es.

eat it, fool. i'm going to keep blogging until i hear that song again.

i think i'm starting to turn age-ist, against aged 50+ people. and also racist, against white people.
it started yesterday, when i was discriminated against, and continued to today, when i can't help but feel like they're all looking at me differently, and treating me differently too. you'd think that i'd be more tolerent after being treated like that, but nah.

i watched Rabbit Proof Fence with my mom yesterday. it was a good movie. if i wasn't so mad at being treated badly.

it was all in bayview village, josie's favourite mall. i tried to do some shopping the other day, and ever since then, i feel sick looking at some of the prices and things people are willing to spend money on. for example, my beaded watermelon wallet that i got in hong kong for $2 canadian. then later, i bought a leaf beaded wallet for $10 in eaton's. and today, i see they're selling them for $20. i saw my exact watermelon wallet. and people were gobbling them up. people need to learn to spend their money on more important things.

my family can be pretty racist sometimes.

i feel bad. i've been really bitchy to my mom all today, and she's just taking it. i'd better stop, or i'll slap myself. i swam with the master's swim team today. it was weird, since they were so much older. i think i annoyed some of them, because i was faster than they thought i'd be. being young, and a girl. the fast lane was full of men. and the other two lanes, medium and slow was full of women. a lot of the guys should have been in the other lanes.

i heard the base pool is fucked up, yet again. and isn't gonna be ready for 3 weeks. this happened last year too. that sucks. but maybe that means i won't be slowing everyone down when i get home. i feel like showing off today.

sam roberts is playing in february. hmm..

my aunt is coming back on the 23rd. so much for having friends visit. i thought she was gone for longer.

i have to rake the lawn, even though it's covered in snow. i feel bad that the grass is dying because of me. that's right, i am sad because grass is dying. i used to cry when andrew would kick the heads off dandilions. i'd try to protect them from him, by shielding them with my body. then one day, i was like "screw it! yaaaah!" and i started kicking them off with him. we were all high-fiving and cheering each other on.

man...it's sad that i feel that i should tell you this was when i was really young.

i don't think i want to go to my prom. i like being a homebody. i bet i'll end up playing sims on prom night. i'll make an imaginary prom for my sims family. but then again, i like dressing up. ah haa, i shall dress up and gussy up my face, THEN play sims. while wearing glamour gloves. splendid. i'm so classy.

it's written in my agenda.

hm. what else.

yes. jenna is a dumbass. in the most polite way.
i don't dislike anyone here. but i can't stand some of them. does that make sense? i think working with them makes me like them less. and there is a lot of group work here.

for example, it's hard for me to imagine ever disliking kelvin so much. but i did, and now i don't as much. we had a grape eating contest, and i won. 17 grapes. actually, i won by default cause we ran out of grapes. i could have fit more. then we had a contest to see who could eat 4 crackers in a minute. i was all, "psssh, that's nothing." but after 2, all my saliva was gone, and it was pure hell. neither of us won that one.

mcmaster was nice. the campus is beautiful. but smelly. and their computer lab and one of their biology labs looked like high school ones. that was discouraging, but we didn't see all of them.

sometimes i feel disappointed in myself that i'm not going to UofT. just because i'm biased. obviously.

next week is gonna be bad. i can feel it. the last two weeks have been pie, and this weekend there's barely any homework.

i have robin as my secret non-denominational holiday person. (a politically correct secret santa). i think he'd like almost anything, but i'm trying to find something he can wear on his labcoat, plus something that has to do with ultimate frisbee.

alex was cool during saturday. one of his friends reminded me of steve from sum 41. that reminds me, of how we're putting sem 41 on our class sweaters. i find that amusing.

black hole sun
won't you come

gabe knows chinese! we had a conversation. he asked how i was, and i said good. he asked if i'd eaten rice, and i said yes.
it was the most amazing thing ever.
i said that i had two dimples on one side of my face, and one on the other. josh thought i said nipples. i didn't know he said that, and i said "oh you like this, do ya!?".

fiesta friday was last friday. it was good.

i'm trying to convince my mom to put off christmas. because she has the power to do so.

i mean, to put off christmas for my family, of course. i think we should move it to somewhere in the middle of january, so we can take advantage of post-xmas sales, and so it's not so stressful.

sounds good, sounds great to me.

richie cunningham is...nah, i can't say it. laurie will slap me. over the internet. because we're cool like that.

i'm sure she can guess what i was going to say now. anyone can.

anyways. i feel betrayed. and a little angry, but inside, i know it was always like this. so i'm in a passive psychotic mood.

i cleaned my house somewhat yesterday. i'm sure you'd love to hear all the goingons, bruhaha, hullaballo, and crazy kookiness, but i'm feeling peckish.

haha peckish. that was the wrong word.

free ticket wicket.

nothing like spontaneously typing out stuff you hear.

there's another world inside of me that you may never see
there's secrets in this life that i can't hide
somewhere in this darkness there's a light that i can't find
maybe it's too far away
maybe i'm just blind

those first two lines contradict each other. tsk tsk.

i can't stop typing! aaagh!

brass monkey - that funky monkey
Brass monkey - junkie
that funky monkey
Got this dance that's more than real

mmm now it's a creepy olp song. lock the door.

i feel like julia. ha ha ha ha...aaaahh...ha.

yees. hilarious. i feel a little worried. i wish i'd researched into engineering, and maybe applied to some engineering programs. but now it is too late. well, not really. ah well. hahaha i certainly learn from my mistakes.

tar tar

sauce.

ooo! the song!